Chicken on a Bus

I was on a bus in the city, and this old Asian lady tries to get on at the Chinatown stop.  In one hand she hasa  grocery bag, and in the other hand, she has a chicken...a live, chicken.  And this is a really pissed off chicken too, he's thrashing and squalling like "I gotta get away from this crazy lady or I'm gonna be dinner in two hours!"

Anyway, the bus driver stops this woman, right.  "Whoa, whoa, whoa.  This isn't the old world.  You can't take a live chicken on a bus in America ever!  That's mostly why we came here!"

And for a few moments, the woman was confused, like "Are you kidding me?  Why can't I take my chicken on a bus?  This is weird, someone should have told about this beforehand."  But, she got off the bus.

Of course, the entire bus is cracking up.  They all saw this, and it's hilarious, but suddenly everyone stops dead silent.  THUNK, THUNK, THUNK against the side of the bus.  The woman got off the bus, took the chicken by the feet, and banged its head against the side of the bus and killed it! 

She gets back on the bus with the now non-live chicken, and looks at the bus driver like, "We good?"

The entire bus is staring at her, dead silent.  I mean, clearly this woman is a psychopath, so we really don't want to piss her off!  The bus driver pulls out the manual like "Damn, I've been driving this bus for 20 years, I don't even know what the hell to do.  I don't even think this is covered in the book..."

He decides to let her on, because really, who wants to mess with this lady?  So she walks down the aisle, dripping salmonella on all of our feet, all the way to the back of the bus, where several rows have magically opened up. 

The rest of the ride is dead silent until she gets off.  Even people who get on after her take one look at the bus and say "Ah, several empty rows in the back, one crazy woman with a dead chicken, I think I'll join these four people silently sharing a seat in the front!"



I first heard this story during a "Comedy Central Presents" standup comedy special.  Unfortunately, I cannot remember the comic's name, but the point is that this story is not my original creation.